— (gamzee) [TC] began trolling (feferi) [CC] at 2:04 —

TC: So I’m LikE, GatherinG Up AlL ThesE DudeS I LefT BehinD ThE FirsT TimE CausE TheY Wouldn’T FiT In My HaT

TC: AnD I FounD ThiS OnE DudE WhO RemindeD Me Of ThiS OnE ClouD I SaW ThiS OnE TimE AbouT YoU

TC: I ThoughT MaybE You’D Be DowN WitH KnowinG ThaT

CC: O)( my god are you STILL at your hive??? You said you left days ago.

TC: MaN It’S FinE, It’S OnlY A LittlE BiT On FirE WaY On ThE OtheR SidE

TC: AlsO I’m GonnA FuckinG MisS ThiS PlacE AnD ThaT ToweR Is CreepY As ShiT

TC: I Don’T LikE BeinG In TherE So I’m HerE UntiL I ActuallY GottA LeavE

TC: ThiS Is HomE :o(

CC: W)(y? It’s basically a white Prospit tower, don’t be stupid!

TC: YeaH BuT LikE, ProspiT Doesn’T HavE ThesE NoisY MotherfuckerS AlL HanginG OuT On ThE WallS

CC: Gamzee, t)(ose are just FROGS. T)(ere’s not)(ing scary about t)(em! T)(ey are cute. 38)

CC: PLUS you )(ave a big statue of one RIG)(T OUTSIDE YOUR )(IVE, you s)(ould be used to t)(em by now.

TC: FucK No NoT ThesE GuyS, TheY ArE SomE FuckeD Up ShiT

TC: YoU TakE OnE LicK Of ThesE BaD DudeS AnD You’rE AlL Of A SuddeN SeeinG ColourS ThaT Don’T ExisT In ReaL LifE, AnD ThE WallS ComE ReaL ClosE So TheY CaN HuG YoU BuT TheY Can’T BecausE TheY ArE DancinG? It Wasn’T CooL :o(

CC: U)()(, w)(y the fuck would you lick t)(em?

TC: TheY WerE BrighT ColourS So I JusT ThoughT MaybE TheY WoulD TastE LikE FruiT, BuT They’rE ActuallY KindA DisgustinG

CC: 38\

TC: YoU Don’T KnoW UntiL YoU TrY, YoU KnoW? YoU GottA HavE, LikE, FaitH StufF Is GoinG To WorK OuT

TC: AnD LikE, We KnoW No BaD Shit’S GonnA HappeN To AnY Of Us BeforE We’rE DonE AlL ThiS StufF SkaiA SayS We’rE GonnA Do In LikE, RainboW AdventurE LandS, So It’S NothinG A Sister’S GoT To WorrY HerselF OveR :o)

CC: Skaia s)(ows us weird, dumb t)(ings ALL T)(E TIME t)(at are definitely not true! We can’t depend on it for guidance. You )(ave just been lucky so far, t)(at’s all. And luck can run out. You know t)(at. 38(

CC: Sometimes I t)(ink maybe t)(ose frogs fried your brains.

TC: BuT YoU Didn’T KnoW AbouT ThE FrogS UntiL LikE TeN SecondS AgO Or SomethinG

TC: Or DiD I TelL YoU BeforE AnD ForgoT AbouT It

TC: HahA I ThinK I JusT ProveD youR PoinT :o)

CC: Yea)( kind of!

TC: AnywaY I Don’T RemembeR WhaT I WaS DoinG So LikE, WhaT ArE YoU DoinG

CC: We are in the middle of an INTERROGATION! 38O

TC: Oh Am I likE, InterruptinG SomE SeriouS LasT MinutE CrimefightinG Or SomethinG

TC: SorrY :o(

CC: Not REALLY. S)(e is definitely guilty of A LOT of cool crimes so I T)(OUG)(T it would be fun. But it’s T)(E OPPOSITE of fun. S)(e is just a big block)(ead w)(o won’t play along.

CC: For instance! We didn’t know t)(is until s)(e got a pistol to the face but she was only pretending to be an indigoblood. S)(e’s actually rusty on the inside and NOBODY KNEW. Neat, rig)(t??? But s)(e is so contrary s)(e made it BORING.

TC: WhoA ThaT SoundS LikE HeavY StufF, LikE, HighblooD ShiT SoundS LikE ReaL HarsH ShiT

TC: AlL AncestorS AnD RuleS AnD BackstabbinG AnD PoliticS

TC: FucK If RuineD TowerS WitH FrogS AnD PlantS FreaK Me ThE fucK OuT I Couldn’T EveN LikE, DeaL WitH ThaT At AlL

CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, you would be T)(E WORST )(ig)(blood ever. But t)(at is a compliment! Because most )(ig)(bloods are jerks and t)(at includes the fake ones.

TC: ThE GuyS We KnoW Aren’T So BaD

TC: EveN KarkaT Is A CooL GuY WheN Nobody’S HarshinG HiS MelloW, Or LikE, WheN He’S NoT HarshinG HiS OwN MelloW

CC: I t)(ink people like t)(em are just exceptions. If t)(ey weren’t t)(en we wouldn’t be friends wit)( t)(em, would we?

TC: That’S OnE WaY Of LookinG At It

TC: ShiT I KnoW WhaT I WaS GonnA SaY

CC: )(mm?????

TC: YouR JimmieS WerE BeinG MaD RustleD AlL OveR ThE PlacE

TC: RustleD So HarD SomE Of TheM WerE MakinG MotherfuckinG MooN LandingS YoU KnoW WhaT I MeaN

TC: AnD I WaS ThinkinG It’S NoW BuT DamN HelL If I KnoW HoW To TimE ThiS ShiT

TC: So I WaS GoinG To AsK If My SouL SisteR WaS OkaY BuT YeaH I GuesS YoU ArE

CC: Well, okay. 38I W)(ere was I?

TC: SomE WindoW

TC: YoU LikE, LookeD OuT ThE WindoW, AnD TheN BacK In ThE RooM, AnD FucK I DunnO

CC: Was it funny at least?

TC: HahA, I GuesS YoU WoulD ThinK It WaS

CC: Good. 38)

CC: Well, t)(at’s just ONE MORE PREDICTION t)(at never came true! Look, I will even walk over t)(ere, and not)(ing strange will occur.

CC: Eridan just s)(ot out t)(e lig)(t again so I will )(ave to open the curtains anyway. T)(e most I oug)(t to worry about is w)(et)(er )(e will also s)(oot t)(e fog mac)(ine. It was very difficult to fix last time t)(at )(appened. 38(

CC: You s)(ould get going too! I will )(ave to connect to Aradia rig)(t after t)(is so you )(ad better be ready.

TC: HahA FucK ArE We PlayinG AlreadY

CC: Yes!!!!!! Didn’t you read t)(e memo??? O)( my god.

TC: Oh MaN I WaS InviteD To OnE Of ThosE

TC: WelL ShiT

TC: SeE YoU LateR :o)

CC: Bye!!!!!!!

— (gamzee) [TC] ceased trolling (feferi) [CC] at 2:36 —

In all likelihood that’s yet another garbage cloud. You are basically unflappable. But what if…

Nope, you called it. Nothing out there but Eridan’s lusus and a gratuitous environmental shot. Wow, you sure dodged that bullet! Whatever it was.

(anonymous)

You are the Mage! The storyteller and prophet and Skaia’s personal interpreter. But you are never given any context for these things. All you can do is tell it like you see it, and most of what you see is really boring things your friends are doing in places you don’t recognize. Stuff gets destroyed and Karkat Vantas yells at people, blah blah blah. They’re sometimes ominous but never really exciting by themselves. The clouds would put you to sleep if you weren’t already dreaming.

So you’ve put your own spins on them; you know a lot about what people are going to do in the future and who they are going to do it with and you would be an absolute FOOL to pass up such a great opportunity to prank the witless. You wish your friends could join you, but most of the Prospit dreamers won’t wake up (the Prince keeps you company and he is a weird funny guy so it’s okay, but he isn’t exactly an adventurer).

The BEST part about Prospit is your best friend, and the best thing about him here is that he is too comatose to talk. He’s pretty insufferable usually but that can be excused because he’s also really funny to watch—his clouds are invariably the best ones and you make sure to never miss seeing his events happen in person. You also never miss reading the fallout on the horrible advice column Kanaya introduced him to. She tried the “Oh Im Just Trying To Help” excuse on you but you know better, she might be a wet blanket sometimes but inside you know she takes just as much pleasure in schadenfreude as you do. You will get through to her yet.

He fancies himself an old-style legislacerator and drones on about his SUPER FAMOUS ancestor like people actually care, but you’re not so sure he’s in it for justice or glory. (It’s better that way.) The apocalypse means no more suspects to harass, but you know for a fact ERIDAN AMPORA’s quest for true love or booty or whatever will not end there, and neither will his failures. And for that, you are excited.

The arm was Gamzee’s idea. You think it’s a nice touch.

UPDATE; MYLUCKYSEVEN IS A WONDERFUL PERSON WHO DOES WONDERFUL THINGS. The original code was a confusing, commentless mess of tables and redundant tags, but she went through it last night and cleaned it all—download the file from her tumblr here! Please remember to credit everyone.

Public response just in case anyone else wants the source code (you are the third person to ask for it). Update VERY SOON, I am sorry it’s taken so long. I’m also going to add an art page because I have seen some neat things other people (!!) have drawn for me and also to keep all the concept junk in one place.

(sillipenda)

You are now TAVROS’ NOT REALLY IMAGINARY FRIEND for a brief period of time. This is the fourth person you have managed to stab today, and the first not carrying explosives.

As someone with magenta blood you don’t need prophetic dreams to know your life is going to be short and your death messy, but you weren’t exactly ready for this. Maybe you’ve upset her by being alive for too long or something, so the Empress getting desperate. You were never a real threat; usurping her position isn’t a thing you want to do, or at least it was a thing you didn’t want to do, circa ten minutes ago.

They probably intend to blast their way to the center of your hive instead of figuring out which way to go. There’s been a lot of scouts who’ve died of exhaustion trying to find their way out. But no matter how inaccessible you are—and you are really fucking inaccessible—you would have had your head on a pike years ago without your lusus. You’ve only been able to slip under the radar for so long because he made sure the radar never worked. Also, he ate a lot of people.

There’s solace in knowing no matter how many bombs and assassins are scattered around these tunnels, you’ve got a chance to live and she doesn’t.

It would’ve been nice to kill her yourself though.

======> (but thanks to an anonymous contributor for the idea)

(feferi) [CC] opened PRIVATE LINEAR bulletin board BBBBZBBZBZBZZZZZPPP.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(feferi) [CC] opened memo on board BBBBZBBZBZBZZZZZPPP at 12:35.

> You: Read memo.

(anonymous)

You pride yourself on being calm, collected and level-headed in any situation. You are a shining beacon of reason in this dark storm that you kind of caused yourself. You will not panic because panicking is just not a thing you do.

Your session’s assigned prophet is messaging you. You’re not sure if you’re really up for her antics at the moment, but maybe it’ll take your mind off other things.

— (feferi) [CC] began trolling (kanaya) [GA] at 12:28 —

Read More

(anonymous)

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM. You may be maroon, but within your veins runs the blood of a true leader. Or at least you hope it does, because you have appointed yourself this session’s conductor and failure means literal death. Maybe worse, you’re not sure. You’re working off your cerulean friend’s prophecies, mostly; you’ve never seen the golden city she talks about when you sleep, only violet towers. But the’s never lead you wrong before, and you don’t think she’s wrong now.

Insomnia keeps you up often. You’ve never found a good workaround, but at least there are occasionally friends awake at the same time to keep you company. You collect and restore old weapons and then use them in a high-stakes roleplaying game called FLARP. You play to design the costumes, but you are also quite skilled at the game itself, and your winnings line the walls of your hive.

You fancy yourself a historian, but what you are really looking for in them are tales of romance and betrayal on the high seas and also other locales. Illicit red attraction between young cavalreapers and their grizzled superiors. Relationships between criminals and the people who chase them wavering between passionate love and the blackest of hate. Aristocrats choosing the lowbloods who have stolen their hearts over their title and positions. This tome in particular is one of your favourites.

But you do not have time to fantasize about pirate queens! Your obnoxious friend is making a mess of your beautifully thought-out plans, and so you are going to make a mess of hers. She will cry, and you will photograph the occasion. It’s doubtful Fishface had anything to do with it, but you were going to contact him after Vriska anyway, so it doesn’t much matter.

— (kanaya) [GA] began trolling (sollux) [TA] at 11:50 —

Read More

======>

— (nepeta) [AC] began trolling (vriska) [AG] at 11:53 —

AC: :(( > wow vriska your room is a mess!!!

AC: :(( > i can’t put this weird pipe thing anywhere

AC: :33 > oh wait i think i found a place!

AC: DD: > nevermind

AC: :(( > what are these boxes for anyway?

AC: :(( > do you really n33d them

AC: :(( > there are lots of machines in this game and there’s nowhere to put them with all this junk in here

AC: :(( > you need to cl33n up before we start!

AC: :33 > i’ll help! :DD

AC: :00 > that wasn’t important was it

(tlturner)

Oh fuck that’s what she’s going to do, isn’t it. She’s going to do it right now, and you were lying about contacting everyone you wanted. The fact is, it’s hard. It’s hard choosing the best six people when there aren’t six people who are even good.

You consult your chart. Damn you are such a fantastic artist. It’s like you were given all these amazing gifts, and everyone else was left to pick from the scrap pile.

Nepeta and Terezi were your first picks. You can pretty much count on them for anything, so you sent them both the files right away. Nepeta’s already connected to you. Equius is a lost cause since there’s no way he’d side with you over Kanaya, and no doubt she’s already talking to him. After much deliberation, you decided you would also take the two highblood jerks because Feferi probably comes with Eridan. You guess that leaves Gamzee. Maybe he’ll come in handy for cannon fodder, or something.

You’re not even going to consider these guys. You’d scribble them out, but you captured their likenesses too well. Looks just like them. It would be a shame to cover such a masterpiece up.

(anonymous)

Tonight is the 2nd lunar perigee of the 5th dark season’s equinox. It is a very special night, and also the wriggling day of a very special person!

But that person isn’t you, so you couldn’t possibly give less of a fuck.

Your name is VRISKA SERKET. You are a yellowblood and self-proclaimed master of your caste’s trade and basically everything else to do with computers. Some people disagree with you, but they’re just jealous of how great you are. Your online win record in every game you play is flawless thanks to all the hacks you use to decimate your opponents (you still have a win record despite being banned multiple times for cheating because you’ve hacked the servers in so many ways it’s impossible to actually keep you out or destroy your computer). The scar over your left eye is a testament to how whiners can’t deal with your greatness. You wear it like a trophy badge.

Your friend gave you some programming thing to do with a bunch of code translated by some prick. You’ve been putting it off because you’re too busy being the best, but you’ve just finished it because she’s taken to nagging you and oh look there she is now. Wonder if she has anything interesting to say, unlike every other time she talks to you. The messages come so slow from her it’s like she’s only using one finger to type or something.

That’d be funny if it wasn’t also probably true.

— (kanaya) [GA] began trolling (vriska) [AG] at 12:20 —

GA: Vriska Are You There

GA: I Havent Heard From You At All Lately

GA: I Trust You Finished Your Side Instead Of Slacking Off And Playing Video Games Like The Last Twenty Six Times I Asked

GA: Tonight Is Our Final Night If You Didnt You Know

GA: This Could Have Been Done Perigees Ago But Again You Left It To The Last Possible Moment

GA: Its Just So Disappointing

GA: Im Going To Die Being Disappointed In You Thats The Last Thought I Will Have

AG: oh my 6od!!!!!! will you cool it? i sent out your dum6 6ame hours a6o to everyone i want on my team.

AG: maybe i was waitin6 for YOU! did you ever think of that?

GA: You Did What

AG: i FINISHED YOUR PRO6RAM and then i SENT IT TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T SUCK.

AG: for someone who spends so much time 6uried in 6ooks you sure have trou6le with reading comprehension!

AG: or are you just asking 6ecause you’re surprised i can do things without 6eing told?????? in which case screw you.

GA: Are You Sure It Was Hours Ago

GA: ?

AG: okay maybe it was more like a few minutes 6ut WHATEVER.

AG: the point is, i already did it! and i’ve got the 6est players.

AG: well, except for you, 6ut you like stories about underdo6s, right? now you’re the pack leader! :::)

AG: anyway here are the files.

— (vriska) [AG] sent (kanaya) [GA] the file “stupid6ullshit_server.~ATH” —

— (vriska) [AG] sent (kanaya) [GA] the file “stupid6ullshit_client.~ATH” —

AG: now you can send them to all the losers who i didn’t pick, like eridan.

GA: Those Filenames Are Unnecessarily Rude

GA: Also I Dont Want Eridan

AG: one of us has to and it’s not 6oin6 to be me!

AG: you’ll just have to take one for your team, maryam. ;;;)

GA: This Isnt Even Following My Plan

GA: We Were All Supposed To Work Together As A Single Group

GA: Ive Spent So Much Time Determining The Most Efficient Order To Enter In To Complete The Game In An Orderly Manner In Which No One Is Injured Emotionally Or Physically But Now Everything Is Split Up

GA: Why

AG: why don’t you ask fishface?????? he never shuts up about how 6ad i am at 6ame6 even thou6h HE i6 ac6ually 6he wor6t at 6hem.

AG: so i’ll prove once and for all how much 6etter i am when i win in the only 6ame that really matters!

AG: he’ll be on your team, so when he cries i want you to take all the pictures, okay?

GA: Vriska I Never Use Emoticons Because I Think They Are Silly But There Are No Words For How Stupid That Is So I Will Use This One

GA: ._.

GA: But Yes I Will Take Pictures If That Happens

— (kanaya) [GA] ceased trolling (vriska) [AG] at 12:59 —